I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
