I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
