did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
