if only i could text you this smell
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
