She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
