My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The power of my boobs compel you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
