im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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