he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize