It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
