I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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