let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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