she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
