so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
