You're so nebulous sometimes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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