You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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