So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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