yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
