Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
