i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize