The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
