just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My liver just had a heart attack.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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