Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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