I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want nice things and good sex
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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