I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
