Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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