I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
