your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize