Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
