your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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