Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He kissed a someone with a penis
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
