Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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