I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
