My hand turned me down
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
