I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So vagazzling was a success
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
