I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
