the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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