i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
