Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
