do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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