So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
