dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
