Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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