why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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