The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
