I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize