I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
