Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
