I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
