Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
