I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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