I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
