i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
