Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
