The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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