Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
