I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
