There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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