im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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