I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
