there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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