whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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