He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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