does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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