I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize